i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
