The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
