I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
