Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
