I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
