I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
