I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
