coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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