If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
