I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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