I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
