White coat. Heels.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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