dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
