so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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