My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
