Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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