I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
