I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
