So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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