i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
