i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
