So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
