This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
