Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
