hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
