well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am naked and annoyed.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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