She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
