Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
