I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
