Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
