i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
