Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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