When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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