Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
