I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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