See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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