just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
