i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
