I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
