So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
