There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
