just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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