we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think your dad took our porno
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
