I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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