We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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