Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
