i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
