Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
