well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
