Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
